THE AMAZING WILL ROGERS

 

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Will Rogers

In America we have the best politicians money can buy.

Will Rogers

"I could never understand why a man would spend $50,000 to get elected to an office when the job only pays $3000 a year!"

Will Rogers

"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!"

Will Rogers

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth

Will Rogers

"You can't say civilization isn't advancing; in every war they kill you in a new way."

Will Rogers

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

Will Rogers

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

Will Rogers

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?"

Will Rogers

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does."

Will Rogers

Elections are a good deal like marriages. There's no accounting for anyone's taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same with public officials.

Will Rogers

The Democrats and Republicans are equally corrupt -- it's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.

Will Rogers

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money.

Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Will Rogers

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

Will Rogers

You've got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one.

Will Rogers

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Will Rogers

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

It must be nice to belong to some legislative body and just pick money out of the air.

Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Will Rogers

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Will Rogers

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Will Rogers

The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.

Will Rogers

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

Will Rogers

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Will Roger

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Will Rogers

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."

Will Rogers

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Will Rogers

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

Will Rogers

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

Will Rogers

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.

Will Rogers

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Will Rogers

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

Will Rogers

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

Will Rogers

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Will Rogers

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep - not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Will Rogers

It takes nerve to be a Democrat. But it takes money to be a Republican

Will Rogers

The Republican platform promises to do better. I don’t think they have done so bad. Everybody’s broke but them.

Will Rogers

Democrats take the whole thing as a joke. Republicans take it serious but run it like a joke.

Will Rogers

A flock of Democrats will replace a mess of Republicans. It won’t mean a thing. They will go in like all the rest of ’em. Go in on promises and come out on alibis.

Will Rogers

Things are terribly dull now. We won’t have any more serious comedy until Congress meets.

Will Rogers

If a man wants to stand well socially, he can’t afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the Republicans.

Will Rogers

Republicans have always been the party of big business. The Democrats of small business. So you just take your pick. The Democrats have their eye on a dime and the Republicans on a dollar.

Will Rogers

You could keep politics clean if you could figure out some way so your government never hired anyone.

Will Rogers

The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes.

Will Rogers

The truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that could happen to you.

Will Rogers

A politician is just like a pickpocket. It’s almost impossible to get one to reform.

Will Rogers

It is easier to fool ’em in Washington than at home. So why not be a Senator?

Will Rogers

You know how Congress is. They’ll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.

Will Rogers

It’s awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.

Will Rogers

George Washington was a politician and a gentleman. That’s a rare combination

Will Rogers

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U. S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

Will Rogers

This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it.

Will Rogers

Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.

Will Rogers

Once a man wants to hold a Public Office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.

Will Rogers

There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics - only get the job and hold it.

Will Rogers

Nothing will upset a state economic condition like a legislature. It’s better to have termites in your house than the legislature.

Will Rogers

Slogan: Be a politician; no training necessary.

Will Rogers

That’s the trouble with a politician’s life - somebody is always interrupting it with an election.

Will Rogers

The Ways and Means Committee is supposed to find ways to divide up the means.

Will Rogers

There is no race of people in the world that can compete with a senator for talking. If I went to the Senate, I couldn’t talk fast enough to answer roll call.

Will Rogers

About being a U.S. Senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught there

Will Rogers

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

Will Rogers

The Democrats are having a lot of fun exposing the Republican campaign corruptions, but they would have a lot more fun if they knew where they could lay their hands on some of it themselves for next November.

Will Rogers

So much money is being spent on the campaigns that I doubt if either man, as good as they are, are worth what it will cost to elect them.

Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.

Will Rogers

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

Will Rogers

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