Everything is funny as long as it is
happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
In America we have the best politicians
money can buy.
Will Rogers
"I could never understand why a
man would spend $50,000 to get elected to an office when the job only
pays $3000 a year!"
Will Rogers
"The taxpayers are sending
congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except
they keep coming back!"
Will Rogers
Why don't they pass a constitutional
amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as
well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the
smartest race of people on Earth
Will Rogers
"You can't say civilization isn't
advancing; in every war they kill you in a new way."
Will Rogers
"I don't make jokes. I just watch
the government and report the facts."
Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist
when you have the whole government working for you."
Will Rogers
Ancient Rome declined because it had a
Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a
House?"
Will Rogers
On account of being a democracy and run
by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a
government four years, no matter what it does."
Will Rogers
Elections are a good deal like
marriages. There's no accounting for anyone's taste. Every time we
see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same
with public officials.
Will Rogers
The Democrats and Republicans are
equally corrupt -- it's only in the amount where the Republicans
excel.
Will Rogers
I can remember way back when a liberal
was generous with his own money.
Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Will Rogers
We always want the best man to win an
election. Unfortunately, he never runs.
Will Rogers
You've got to be an optimist to be a
Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one.
Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the
government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
I belong to no organized party. I am a
Democrat.
Will Rogers
It must be nice to belong to some
legislative body and just pick money out of the air.
Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon
elected.
Will Rogers
Everything is changing. People are
taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Will Rogers
Politics has become so expensive that
it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
Will Rogers
The best thing about this group of
candidates is that only one of them can win.
Will Rogers
About all I can say for the United
States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an
investigation.
Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the
government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice
doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Roger
Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Will Rogers
I don't make jokes. I just watch the
government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
I bet after seeing us, George
Washington would sue us for calling him "father."
Will
Rogers
If I studied all my life, I couldn't
think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of
congress.
Will Rogers
If you ever injected truth into
politics you have no politics.
Will Rogers
It's easy being a humorist when you've
got the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
Things ain't what they used to be and
never were.
Will Rogers
This country has come to feel the same
when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a
hammer.
Will Rogers
We don't seem to be able to check
crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Will
Rogers
Our constitution protects aliens,
drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers
Never miss a good chance to shut
up.
Will Rogers
The trouble with practical jokes is
that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers
When I die, I want to die like my
grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep - not screaming like
all the passengers in his car.
Will Rogers
It takes nerve to be a Democrat. But it
takes money to be a Republican
Will Rogers
The Republican platform promises to do
better. I don’t think they have done so bad. Everybody’s broke
but them.
Will Rogers
Democrats take the whole thing as a
joke. Republicans take it serious but run it like a joke.
Will Rogers
A flock of Democrats will replace a
mess of Republicans. It won’t mean a thing. They will go in like
all the rest of ’em. Go in on promises and come out on alibis.
Will Rogers
Things are terribly dull now. We won’t
have any more serious comedy until Congress meets.
Will Rogers
If a man wants to stand well socially,
he can’t afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the
Republicans.
Will Rogers
Republicans have always been the party
of big business. The Democrats of small business. So you just take
your pick. The Democrats have their eye on a dime and the Republicans
on a dollar.
Will Rogers
You could keep politics clean if you
could figure out some way so your government never hired anyone.
Will Rogers
The whole trouble with the Republicans
is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher
incomes.
Will Rogers
The truth can hurt you worse in an
election than about anything that could happen to you.
Will Rogers
A politician is just like a pickpocket.
It’s almost impossible to get one to reform.
Will Rogers
It is easier to fool ’em in
Washington than at home. So why not be a Senator?
Will Rogers
You know how Congress is. They’ll
vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and
vote for them.
Will Rogers
Elections are a good deal like
marriages. There’s no accounting for anyone’s taste
Will Rogers
It’s awful hard to get people
interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
Will Rogers
George Washington was a politician and
a gentleman. That’s a rare combination
Will Rogers
Confucius perspired out more knowledge
than the U. S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.
Will Rogers
This country has gotten where it is in
spite of politics, not by the aid of it.
Will Rogers
Every guy looks in his pocket and then
votes.
Will Rogers
Once a man wants to hold a Public
Office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.
Will Rogers
There is very little dignity, very
little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics - only get
the job and hold it.
Will Rogers
Nothing will upset a state economic
condition like a legislature. It’s better to have termites in your
house than the legislature.
Will Rogers
Slogan: Be a politician; no training
necessary.
Will Rogers
That’s the trouble with a
politician’s life - somebody is always interrupting it with an
election.
Will Rogers
The Ways and Means Committee is
supposed to find ways to divide up the means.
Will Rogers
There is no race of people in the world
that can compete with a senator for talking. If I went to the Senate,
I couldn’t talk fast enough to answer roll call.
Will Rogers
About being a U.S. Senator, the only
thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single
requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame
but himself if he gets caught there
Will Rogers
I love a dog. He does nothing for
political reasons.
Will Rogers
The Democrats are having a lot of fun
exposing the Republican campaign corruptions, but they would have a
lot more fun if they knew where they could lay their hands on some of
it themselves for next November.
Will Rogers
So much money is being spent on the
campaigns that I doubt if either man, as good as they are, are worth
what it will cost to elect them.
Will Rogers
Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
Will
Rogers
The income tax has made more liars out
of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
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